Hanging By A Thread
by belleandthebeast91
Summary: [inspired by the Amazing Spiderman 1,2, and Andrew Garfield/Emma Stone relationship] Peter Parker reflects on his life as freshman year at college unfolds. A mysterious red headed girl catches his eye...


Hanging by a Thread

_"How could this happen to me? _

_I've made my mistakes. _

_Got nowhere to run. _

_The night goes on as I'm fading away" – Simple Plan _

Pretty much describes my life up to this point after all these trials and tribulations. But I'm just a typical freshman in college now with new responsibilities and new people to meet. Oh I'll probably do beautifully in my work and as usual be a good boy to my Aunt May. She loves me so much and I would never let anyone hurt her. Though I've had my share of saving people. It's a pretty taxing job everyday to ensure people's safety in New York. So unpredictable and changing the city, or should I say the world, is. It gets a bit crazy at times, but myself and a couple of very special people help to bring it back to center.

Gwen Stacy. What else is there to say? An angel amid copious demons attempting to overtake me. The first time I saw her face with her high cheekbones, cool blonde hair, and narrow piercing blue eyes. She was and always will be a man's ultimate woman. Just the right amount of maternal instinct mixed in with an innocent, intelligent sensibility that only I understood. The way she spoke and made various inflections made me more mesmerized and drawn in to her. So gentle and dear, a girl-next-door. She was the daughter of a prominent police man too and worked at Oscorp, which made a particularly good match because I am a wiz at science. And we both would anything to see each other especially our clocktower visits and the time when we both hid inside an elevator (as you can tell the most cliqued place to play a prank on people).

Gwen was a woman who always dared to search for something beyond herself such aiding me in my "ventures" against foes. Though I always would pester otherwise that it was too dangerous, she constantly felt the need to help me and save me to prevent anyone from ever hurting me. When we weren't together we'd think of each other. Gwen of course was more academically proficient than me (I'm kind of science geek than a scholar) and got a scholarship to Oxford. Meaning she would be away from me ¾ of the year. Me being the compassionate and somewhat over-attached boyfriend would have none of it. But in the end I yielded and suggested it was for the best and for our safety should our enemies know about us to separate temporarily before she returned home. The distance felt like hell though….if it hadn't been for that stupid scholarship I would have even proposed marriage, yeah sounds like a crazy idea, but you know what love makes us do crazy things to get the other's attention.

I knew I had to see her again sometime soon, as if it was destiny.

Though against the wishes of her father, I pursued her. We had to be together. Well some villains got in the way...so it gave us a good excuse to get back together. She was the brains to my muscles. Inseparable no matter what.

Fate is an interesting phenomenon, that moment she hung there. So close, yet so far. I did everything for her. Tried so very much to be with her. To die at my hand. It the goblin who ultimately killed her, yet it was by my hand...my eternal web sling conquering anyone who got in my way. Just another hapless victim said the Spider to the Fly. No, she wasn't gone, this wasn't supposed to happen. The golbin was supposed to die...what was I saying...Harry was my best friend, but, what about GWEN? Never ever.

She loved me like no else did. I was nothing, literally NOTHING without her. No friends, no mother, no father, just my aunt and uncle. She was light at the end of the tunnel, the Belle to my Beast. Every relationship I had, possessed its secrets including Harry and Aunt May who still won't tell me of what happened with my parents. Relationships hanging by a thread like a spider's. One false move or word and all madness breaks. Then you are isolated and abandoned. Somehow or another we have to be stronger and face up to those secrets so they don't translate to lies and deceit. How can we love and trust anyone when we aren't open with ourselves? But Gwen and I possessed an honest, loving relationship that trumped all of them. I could finally be myself and share a whole new world beyond anyone's comprehension. Though I wished I possessed the will to tell Aunt May. I believe she intuitively knows of my capabilities, what my father did which affected me. His destructive research. I will tell her of it myself, no one will know our secret. But for the time being, Gwen has been the most significant figure in my life beside Aunt May and Uncle Ben. Life is precious and short and we have to saver those connections as much as possible in order to survive.

But how am I supposed to move on? Yes, I am back to fighting crime again and keeping up with classes from college. But who will I find comfort and support next? Harry can't help me, it saddens me to say that, he's so troubled, alone and unhinged. Underneath the Goblin costume, I see more than a deranged soul, but a frightened scared, little boy who is afraid to take on the world without his father. But his father was no saint either for he created the monstrous formula. How are you to trust then for guidance and love from your own inhuman father? I wished very much for Harry to have stability and security. But no matter what nothing can make up for the absence of Mom and Dad. I know that too well. I need to give him time to reconsider his disastrous actions, there's no reason to hate me. I think my father screwed many people over with his theories and concealing of technology and secrets to benefit himself. It comes back to bite you in ways you can't even imagine, but I have to do the best I can to fight and support my family. All that I have left of it that is.

I'm finding more and more about my family every day whether Aunt May tells me or not. If it's her problem, then it's my problem and I have to solve it. It wouldn't kill her or make her lose her mind if she told me a thing or two about my parents. Screw it, but I'll pester her about it soon. On campus, a mysterious red head has caught my eye. She's not like Gwen, but she still emits this ease going vibe that Gwen shared. Very few girls can do that to a guy. She's a bit of a loner like me, sits by herself at lunch time or goes off to the library. I'm too much into myself with my music either alternative or classical to calm my racing mind. It seems like she's seeing someone now outside of class, but when I've snucked up on them, she doesn't seem happy with him. He's kind of border line abusive to her. Nonetheless, it seems as though she's been around the block way more than me. She seems descent, but should I pursue her as I did with Gwen? Of course I would never want to be seen as a jealous lover. Would I betray the external trust Gwen and I had? How can I overcome and live my life when I still possess unrequited love for the deceased passing in my life? My only friend. I remembered her commencement speech:

"It's easy to feel hopeful on a beautiful day like today, but there will be dark days ahead of us too. There will be days where you feel all alone, and that's when hope is needed most. No matter how buried it gets, or how lost you feel, you must promise me that you will hold on to hope and keep it alive. We have to be greater than what we suffer. My wish for you is to become hope; people need that. Even if we fail, what better way is there to live? I know it feels like we're saying goodbye, but we will carry a piece of each other into everything that we do next, to remind us of who we are, and of who we're meant to be."

But how does that translate to true love? Especially moving on from something beautiful once shared, what nearly was, or could have been. Isn't it better to be enraptured and dream about it? I wouldn't get lonely just pretend that she's there at night with me. We can be "married" then. Maybe I'm just a hopeless, love-sick romantic? Or am I borderline-delusional? My uncle always told me to be true to myself and to take responsibility in my life choices. What about true love? How can you cope and move on from a loved one's death? I had enough trouble with Uncle Ben's but the women in my life...

I have no answer, but maybe the red head and I should just become friends. Nothing more. I'm still just mixed emotions. I sometimes wonder what Gwen would want me to do. Would she want me to stop living my life and continue my undying loyalty and focus to her? She loved me and encourage me in everything up to that point in my life. But finding a new love in my life? I mean I'm not desperate like other men, but I just feel the need to have another support by my side. I guess some boys are like that.

This red head, what is her name? Mary Jane Watson. Gwen did speak of her at times, they actually used to be friends until they steadily began to grow apart in middle school. Apparently Mary Jane tried to one up Gwen in a science project, Gwen won of course and they began to have some disagreements about matters like home, family, and school. Mary Jane couldn't muster up the fact that Gwen came from a happy caring family while hers was a broken home. Gwen tried to reason with her the best she could. The friendship slowly broke apart. Mary Jane was interested in boys, dating, and parties, while Gwen was more concerned about school and grades. Interesting how personalities conflict in friendships, just when you think you know a person. People change, just as Harry and I did when he moved away to private school when I was ten.

Mary Jane is in 3 out of my 4 freshman classes. I don't know why I've never had the urge to go and just talk to her, as a friend. So I'm not too awkward. I mostly don't pay attention in class because I know every single one of the readings, very proficient in grades and participation, but I'm just BORED. Aunt May just wanted me out of the house to be more productive with my time. Maybe I will talk to Mary Jane. There's no problem in walking up to an ex-rival of your friends. Laugh out loud at that. Maybe Mary Jane has changed and is more academically focused, less distracted. I'll have to try and of course take risks. My life is risk anyway, so I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't. Tomorrow I'll ask her, maybe for coffee or a day to the gym, it doesn't matter. Maybe there could be something more. Life is unexpected and fleeting and we have to try and meet other people so we'll feel more enriched at the end of the day. I love it when she always wears that scarf or yarn barite on her head. It makes me want to bury my head and smile until it makes my face red, God I'm embarrassed!

Pleasure pouring my heart out for now. Spidey's out!

Peter Parker/Spiderman 11/23/14


End file.
